No Time Limit!

Do you remember as a kid when your parents used to set timers, give warnings about time limits, etc... either for bedtimes, friend visits, electronics, school, etc...  Well, I guess I am that mom now, I just gave my kids a 5 minute warning about having to go to bed, but in reality, I am still just a kid and I really hate time limits!  I mean come on, we were made for eternity after all, and of course God still has limits on times and seasons in eternal life too, but goodness, being able to feel the stop and go- isn't that so much better?  Who likes to feel rushed, pushed, and snuffed out by schedules?  Not me!  And yet, I love the appearance of order that schedules bring when they are listed out on a piece of paper, but in reality, I do not enjoy confining myself to the original ideas that I have...  I am more apt to be excited about others schedules that I can ebb and flow through at my own pace, but I feel trapped sometimes to DO what I first SAID when I wrote it down on paper.  It all sounds pretty silly now, but I digress...  my five minute time limit for my kids is long up, I better go so they don't always think 30 minutes is the same as 5 minutes.  Oh parenting!  So often I find that I am still parenting myself.  Ok, ok, Goodnight!!!  ;)

Throwback to when it was 2016

 Malakai's Birth Story

Rebekah Boss

September 20, 2016  · 4 min read  · 

Shared with Public

Public

I have trouble keeping things short, but here is my attempt! All praise to the Lord! Every birth is a miracle and I am constantly amazed and humbled to be a mom... this story is no different ❤

We arrived at the hospital about 1:30pm after my contractions had begun just after 12pm. I was so thankful to make it while still being in soft labor. Oh what an answer to prayer!

It was hilarious though when we went to check in they didn't seem to have any record of me in their computer system! It took us a good ten minutes to realize that they were just spelling my name wrong. So goofy!

Then I sat in the waiting room for only like 2 minutes before they brought me in a side room and took my vitals. One of the nurses found out I had been almost 4cm for 2 weeks already and she exclaimed: "I had my epidural at 4cm! Wow!". That made me feel all tough and enduring haha but I also just laughed because its not like I could have lived with an epidural on me for those last 2 weeks lol so that was never really an option for me.

Finally we made it to the hospital delivery room around 2pm! Praise the Lord my labor was still pretty tame. I really had not wanted to deliver this child in the lobby or the car. So, with my mom, my mother in law and my hubby all in the room with me, our waiting game began!

I was still in denial that I was actually in real labor yet, but since we were at the hospital and all checked in, I decided to try and get myself comfortable. Jeremy hung up my written out verses, set up our portable speaker with my labor playlist going and then pulled out our coloring books. I kept trying to color but by the time my labor really started getting harder sometime between 3 and 3:30 I kept having to focus so much on relaxing through my contractions that I definitely didn't get very far with coloring. lol.

Things were definitely progressing but I didnt really know how far because I had asked the nurse not to tell me what my dilation was whenever she checked me. I thought maybe the fancy bathtub in the room might help me to keep relaxing, so I asked Jeremy to start getting it ready. My mom was like, "I dont know that you will have time for that..." and so I smiled and Jeremy just said, "I will start it and then we can see..." Sure enough though, before he could even fill up the tub a quarter of the way, my water broke! lol.

When my water broke around 4pm the nurses came in and so did the Doctor on call at the time. He didnt stay long though before he walked out again. The OB I had been seeing the month before had not arrived yet, but I was already feeling the urge to push! My mom was totally picking up on this and so was Jeremy, so they put their gloves on and stood faithfully beside me, but the nurses were talking so much with their backs turned, right next to me that it seemed like they had no clue. To be fair, there was a nurse in training there, but still... lol.

I was totally in position for pushing, at least for me, it feels way more natural to be on all fours, but I know hospitals like to put birthing moms on their back. So even though it did not seem like anyone else was ready, except my mom and Jeremy, I gave out a solid push and baby Kai's head popped out. The nurse finally noticed and told me to stop in a half teasing but half serious tone because she didnt want to deliver without the doctor today. I was basically like, whatever lady, this baby is coming... but thankfully I had to wait for another contraction before pushing baby out all the way. As Dr. Hughes rushed in and put his gloves on, he barely made it in time to help catch Baby Kai with my hubby. Wow!

I was in shock, like for real, did this baby really finally come? I put my head down and prayed to hear him breathe. A few pats from the burses and only moments later, I heard a precious little cry along with "It's a Boy!"

It was super weird not to hold my baby for like a half hour or more because they were clearing him out and I still had to deliver the placenta and get cleaned up. So strange. Very different from my homebirth experiences... but finally Jeremy was able to lay our new baby boy on my chest and I basically just cried with joy and relief! What an overwhelming gift! A new person ❤

Welcome to the World Malakai Raymond Boss!

Thank You Lord!

• 

The stories I tell...

 As I was laying in bed with Malakai tonight, cuddling him to sleep, his little hand on my neck, it occured to me that there are a lot of stories that I like to tell others, but have never really written down for myself or for my family.  Knowing that life is short and I never really know if I have tomorrow, I was realizing that now was a better time than never to start in with writing down these memories.  Since I was just cuddling with Malakai, let's begin with the story of his namesake and move backwards from there!

I have only been to Hawaii one time, the big Island, Oahu, Ewa Beach and Honolulu.  What a dream!  I even got to spend my 27th birthday there, big thanks to my amazing in-laws.  My precious mother in love chose to share some of her Father's inheritance with me and my little family... and this is also when Jeremy and I decided it would be a good time to add to our own family, I mean let's be honest, we didn't really plan to get pregnant, but we were in a gorgeous beach house in Hawaii!  Sleeping right there next to the sound of the sea and listening to the big open breeze across the waters with all that warm tropical air around us.  It would have been silly of us not to enjoy those moments and we did!  Hence, why I insisted that whatever gender our newest little baby would be, we were going to name our little one Kai to remember our island trip and the beauty of that sweet season!

Kai means the sea and the sky.  This name embraces freedom, wonder and comfort in my mind.  Our cherished Malakai has been all these things and more- he is only 4 years old now, but I am confident the Lord has placed his life in the most timely of positions.  His first breath was given to us at a time that I imagine we have never really needed God's Grace and Goodness more.  A huge tragedy and loss had taken place in our family just over a month before and we really needed some physical reassurance and faith again that our Father God was still a Good, Good Father.

You see, my sister and I were pregnant at the same time back in 2016.  We were both due only 2 days apart from each other!  Incredible really!  When we found out about this, I was beyond thrilled, as well as amazed- what if my sister and I actually gave birth on the same day?  How crazy would that be?  The same sister that I got to share twin baby sisters with (then 19 years old), the same sis who went along with me on all of my adventures as a young child and even on into our college years!  Wouldn't that be amazing if we got to share a birth date for our kids too?  Cousin twins?

Those were some of the dreams that went through my mind as I imagined the days ahead!  And yet, none of those plans were meant to be.  God was writing a different story.

At an ultra sound for my sister, about half way into her pregnancy, the technician recognized some abnormalities inside her womb.  Her baby had a unique birth defect called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH) and it occurs in anywhere from 1 in 2,000-5,000 births, but the effects of this development can be life threatening.  While inside my sister, her baby Noah was fine and growing well, but once born, his lungs were underdeveloped and he was unable to breathe on his own.  He was born on June 24th, 2016 at 33 weeks gestation and lived a beautiful but much too quickly 17 hours and cared for by some of the most incredible Doctors and Nurses in Minnesota.  This is also why my own little Hawaiian conceived baby, Malakai, ended up being born in a little Minnesotan hospital too, because by the time I was staying with my sister for the summer, just to be near her through whatever took place, well...  it was simply too late in my pregnant days to travel anywhere else!

Malakai and Noah, two cousins that were formed the same year but were given 2 very different stories, sometimes it still blows me away at the reality of our own lives.  I never would have thought that I would have to live with a mothers survivor guilt alongside my own precious sister, and not by her doing in any way, she bore her grief as a blessing, to which I still marvel at her up to this day!  Every day with his little life inside of her, she was hopeful of keeping him with her, even with a 1% chance of survival, there was always that 1%, so why wouldn't we all hope?!  We had all prayed for a miracle!  And yet, in the end, there was a no.  That was hard to swallow, especially when my miracle had a yes of life.  There was so much guilt, so much frustration, I knew this gift of my child was undeserved and until I had to walk out my life, I didn't know if I could, but God gives us strength in our greatest weaknesses.  Strength and peace that don't really make sense!

I went on to raise a little baby boy earth side and my sister was left without a baby in her arms for almost a year.  She had a daughter who was only a toddler when she lost her brother, and this sweet girl was so very little herself that she never did meet him face to face.  And yet, I know that his life made an impact on her story too!  Precious Annarose!  She was such a trooper through all those changes of moving, hospitals, cousins, family, tears and a heartsick momma.  I know her little arms are what kept my sister comforted and that Annarose soothed my sister's aching chest during that transition without Noah, I still praise God that He provided a solution to nursing for my sister with the needs of a 1 year old sibling.  God worked in totally incredible ways during that time, he was present in a way that was exactly what we needed, full and soft, gentle and kind, whispering to us all that He really was still a Good, Good, Father and Noah was with him now, whole and not suffering, as he is now until we all meet again heaven side!

Let's back up again to before Malakai and Noah now, as I am remembering when I first started using the phrase "Heaven is ahead".  In 2015, I experienced my own infant loss, not with a full grown infant, but with a little pea of a baby at only 10 weeks, my little Charlotte Joy, or as we call her: Charli.  We didn't really know if I had a boy or a girl, but I remember holding that tiny broken body of my baby and marveling at the tiny poppyseed eyes of my child, not fully formed, but very present.   The grief I felt was beyond anything I had ever experienced- my faith in God and His character was tested like never before and in that wondering too I realized that Heaven is closer and more real than I had ever comprehended.  

Yikes!  Those are some of my heavier, deeper, more intense stories, just little glimpses, but I think that is good for now.  I hope to write again later today!  Off to bed now, I still have 3 kiddos to home school in the morning...  work is a gift and I have my hands full of it!  Thank you Jesus!

To Hide or Not to Hide...

Oh hello!

I am trying to come out of hiding,
but this screen is as far as I'll go...

All of my time I've been biding,
curious when my face I will show...

Mothering quietly inside this space
Convinced by Love that its not all just a waste!

Even if I am not the best that there is,
I know for a fact that I'm always His...

For Him I go on, even when I have no song,
For Him I still speak, even when I feel weak...

For Love my eyes open,
my lips kiss, my heart beats...

For Love I keep dreaming,
my hands and feet rest in grace...

Watching and waiting, I want to be seen,
but also I am terrified of just how unclean...

these eyes, these words, these ways that I walk,
Even in Love, there's much to be trained in my talk...

I value freedom so deeply, that its hard to submit,
my wandering heart wants to keep a selfish bit...

Lord how deceived I am to keep some of me,
when you gave all of your whole self, so that I would finally see!

Your Love was not held back, not at all,
Every inch of you laid down for the call...

In tears of blood and a long sleepless night
you continued in faith, forgiveness was your fight...

Death didn't define you, but rather your life...
The life you laid down to call me your wife!

As a broken bride, you still chased after...
in my sin and in my shame...

Fractured from myself, you found me,
in your love you threw no blame!

Thank you Jesus for your faith,
greater than I've ever known-

In your steps, I want to follow,
no more hiding, let me be your home!

Questions and Grace...

How do you plan out your time?

What gets you excited about getting up in the morning?

Why?

When did you start caring about the things you care about each day?

Who do you most often share life with?

Is there a pattern in the answers above?  Or are you more in a season of spontaneity?  

I often wonder about my life...  the changes that have taken place, the things that will happen in the future, how to best prepare and be ready with the decisions I make day to day.  Sometimes that means sleeping a lot, preparing, practicing, and more rest at home again for the busyness of what is ahead...  and other times that means cramming in loads of calendar time, back to back, for all the many people and things that I am in love with, obligated to, excited for and passionate about!  

Yesterday was more of a rest day for me and my kiddos, they were just not feeling 100%... and the down time has got me thinking about a lot of different things...  travelling, celebrating, inviting, gathering friends and family, starting new habits, continuing in things I have put on hold, challenging my kids and playing with them more, date nights, holidays, wintertime, moving, worship times, praying purposefully and more often, living smaller, more intentionally, really slowing down more and listening...  

Life used to feel fairly black and white to me as a young girl and even as a young adult, but as I grow older with each year I feel this soft stirring that life is so much bigger and more colorful than I have ever believed it to be!

A verse comes to mind, and really, if you would just google search this whole chapter in Ephesians 3 that would be amazing:

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21...  What a prayer!  Trusting God's Powerful working above what we can even ask or imagine!  Do you?  I sure want too!  From generation to generation and forever...  can we even comprehend what this really means?  The weight of eternity makes me want to really slow down in this next season...

While it may seem that I share a lot of my life out in the open for all to see, the truth is I have spent a lot of my life in the quiet, in the lonely, in the unseen day to day of living at home and serving at home as well as in the church building setting.  The older I get the more I realize that this is not as normal as I have thought, this is unique and special and I pray deeply that I can submit this quiet, wondering, peacefulness (for the most part (; ) to be used by the Lord in Mighty ways for His Glory!

Please correct me if I am wrong, but American life is so often characterized by the spotlight media and the status quo of checks and balances- spent under contract from one person to the next, committed time, ordered days, pointing out the normal and the special, labels, shows, ideas, all sold for a price...  these things can be good or evil but for love... and yet, who can find love in a system that boasts of self alone and glorifying our own namesakes, rather than acknowledging the One who made us?  

What is Love?  Intimacy?  Friendship?  Loyalty?  When the next newest thing is always coming out?  What do we do with the old?  Do we cherish our history or toss it away, outdated, unneeded?  

How much do we leave up to faith in God anyway?  

My life has been such a gift of privacy, thoughtfulness, slowness, provision, grace, conversation, stillness and hope... 

Even now, I don't always know what to make of this reality that I do not have to strive to be loved though, even with the sweetest of families and home lives, why is this truth so hard to comprehend?

I am loved by grace through faith...  oh to hold tight, speak this truth openly, and live like I have learned it by heart already...  even though my heart is so forgetful!

How do we take all that we have learned with us and share it wholeheartedly, lovingly, softly with others?

Grace, grace, grace...  an eternity of grace!

Can we even grasp this reality?  Amidst all our questions, understandings, experiences...  it's all grace!  

What a blessed truth to lay my head into tonight!

I hope my silly ramblings will inspire you to slow down and lay out your thoughts and questions too!

Jesus makes this possible, to ramble, to wonder, and to find Hope again... thank you GOD!  Your grace is sufficient in my weakness...

Amen.

Snores and Dreams: God Cares

As I lay here on my bed, dreaming of picking up writing again, yes even at this ridiculous hour of 2am, my fingers are beginning to type away- all while my adorable husband snores up a storm right next to me.  Ha!  I am reminded too, that by simply taking this time to stay up, sort through my thoughts, jump out of my normal groove and focus in on the blessings of freedom and love that I have been given and worked towards in my life, that...  just wow!  I never imagined things could ever be as hard or as rewarding as they have turned out to be.

You see, when I dreamed of, as a young girl, becoming a mother some day...  it was a picture of myself all grown up, well-groomed, organized, mini-van driving, soccer mom of 5 boys all for whom I pre-planned and packed an ice chest of great snacks and favorite drinks!  This would then happen every weekend for their entire childhood (apparently, my one job would be just this) I would cheer each of my boys on as they played soccer and I would watch them in wonder from the sidelines!  Of course, that was just the mother-bit of my daydreams, let alone my ideas of being a wife... it seems I only thought of meeting some dishy guy in college who would sweep me off my feet...  and not until college, surely, because I was much too young for marriage before I finished my 4 year degree... the rest of our love story, or so I was convinced, would obviously end well, because, after all, we would be in love- of course...  and that was about as far as my vision would go for my future family- at least from this very small perspective of my middle school self.  I mean, to be fair, it really IS hard to imagine up any kind of reality for our super random, wild, adventure filled lives- especially years and years down the road!

Okay, so, one of my points in re-hashing all of the above is simply to prove how vague and somewhat naive our dreams can be!  I mean even reading back on this VERY blog, where I shared little blips of getting our bus together THREE YEARS AGO, makes me kind of giggle with the remembrance of what it felt like to be in that giddy unknown of adventures before us... but months later, actually years now, seeing where we were and where we have come, the true length of all the endurance, hope and work it takes to "make dreams happen" is really hard-core hitting me straight in the face.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing either, but wow is it right up in front of me!  All of the uprooting that has taken place in my life and walking by faith...  oh my friends!  Stepping out in faith, through the mess and the unknowns, this is life-changing business and it makes the familiar into the unfamiliar which makes for a very uncomfortable feeling at times... so if you like to be comfortable than stick with the familiar, until one day you realize there is nothing comfortable about the familiar anymore either...  oh dear!  Times just change around us, even when we do not want them too, don't they?

This brings me to my second point: Enjoy Dreaming (AKA learn to enjoy CHANGES)! 

Obviously our crazy ideas will never be detailed enough to compare with the reality ahead (unless God SO reveals Himself), but this is why the phrase "leap of faith" fits so well with following, what often times tends to be, emotionally heightened picturesque dreams...  it is a literal "leap" for our psyche to jump out of what feels normal in order to gamble with the future on our own out-of-the-ordinary terms...  I mean when I put it that way, who would rather let their futures be dictated completely by unforeseen circumstances... oh wait, that is all of us!  Ha!  And yes, it IS really late, you are right, and I do feel like I could ramble on and on like this with my silly stream of conciousness all night, but then...  there is this loud snoring coming from my bear like husband next to me (cuddly type of bear, not too fierce), so its hard to really think clearly about anything!

Oh and in case you missed my first point: Dreams can be Vague and Naive...  which I am not even sure how to make a judgement about at this time, because honestly I have no idea whether that is a good thing or a bad thing (to have vague and naive dreams)...  but I digress.

So far this blog post has been such a goof though, basically because my beginning entry, middle school silly girlhood story and then my two main dream lessons consist entirely of this most unimpressive analysis that I am content to be: 'Enjoying Dreaming even if it is Naive and Vague"...  and now my friends, you can see in plain sight why I have not started blogging regularly again, because it would seem that my mommy brain cells have still not recovered from everything in regards to mommy-ing and wife-ing...  And yet, here I remain...  determined to keep typing and to be unconquered by my own nonsense and mediocrity!

Isn't this half the battle with a dream-like goal, after all, to ACTUALLY continue forward, even when you feel that you are failing miserably (and may even be doing so)!?

Maybe THAT is what this post is REALLY all about though!
Ha!

Deep down inside, I have been wondering over and over again, "what if you just try to write again" and in reply, yes, I have heard that infamous voice inside of me that says, "yes, but what if you fail miserably"...  And yet...

And yet!

"What if I DO just try!?"

In fact... what if I keep on trying, even after I have tried, and then what if I try yet again...  until finally I may begin to succeed...  and then, in one glorious sentence, I finally start to make sense to someone!

Then, wouldn't it all be worth it then-
Even if I look like a complete and utter fool during the majority of my writing process!?
It would all be worth it to CONNECT wholeheartedly and vulnerably with just ONE!

Yes!!!
Yes, yes, and yes...
"Yes" to the reality of my foolishness, "Yes" to continue trying to write and "Yes" to the wonderful glory of actually making sense and connecting with someone in a way that is totally and wholly my own!

TRY IT!

What are you dreaming?
Keep it up...
Enjoy the process!
Push through the vague, strange and foolish...
Do not stop until your trying turns into Learning and eventually Succeeding.

Afterall, how can we fail, if we are still always learning...  no indeed, we only fail when we entirely give up...  so press on!  Don't Give Up!  Keep Trying!  Whatever Good thing you are aiming for, if it is truly GOOD, then it is a gift from God and you CAN receive it if you don't stop asking- make some noise; do not stop seeking- be committed; and do not stop knocking- take some action, bang on some doors and shake things up until they open for you!

That is my plan for now, so...  come, watch and see...  will this work?
What other crazy can I come up with?
If I just keep writing...  only God knows!

Yes indeed, we are all seen and known by a miraculous God...
He is the I AM to all my "am not"s - HA!
Praise God!

I forget this too often!

Not only to praise God but that God cares enough to share His Perfect self with me and He doesnt owe me anything!

Oh how much I really DO care that God cares!
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How about you?
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Isaiah 45:7: "I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things."

Platform of Love

Love is an amazing platform to discuss just about every single topic!  When a friend and I stand together, united in love, the conversations we have are changed completely in tone.  Offering yourself humbly to someone else by telling them that you love them, opens a doorway into a place of peace and grace...  Even if you both disagree on things!  Has anyone else ever experienced this truth?  

Love in its entirety is lived out when it is acted out in the beautiful definition found in 1 Corinthians 13 (this chapter will probably blow my mind for as long as I live!).  Humor me please as I refresh our memories on the beautiful realities of Love (even for those who don't believe in the Bible, I think we can all agree that what is described here is a profound definition of love): 

"Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it has no pride, love does not demand its own way, it does not seek its own, it's not easily provoked, it keeps no record of wrongs, speaks no evil, and rejoices in the truth, it bears and believes in all things, hopes in all things and endures in all things too" (a lyrical paraphrased version by Beckah Shae- a fav singer of mine- on 1 Corinthians 13).  Amazing right?  Love like that basically stops at nothing to express its devotion, care, beauty- and pretty much anything Good!  Love is Incredible!

So with all that said, I would like to share a couple pictures of our newest addition to the bus, dedicating it before the blogging world, as our Platform of Love:

This special area is where we hope to have the kids bunk beds, a lush carpet/large rug, and a fun play area for our younger guests.  I'm so excited at my hubby's brilliant design and so thankful to the Lord for keeping us going even amidst set backs like colds and craziness.  Lol.  Prayers for perseverance until the end are much appreciated!  One day I hope everyone who reads this will be able to have dinner with us in our future home ;) may our love be pure towards you all as God has shown His love so powerfully in our own lives...  We love you!  Xoxo

P.S.

I am hoping that this little gem makes it into the bus too:

Blessings to you friends!!!

Groundwork for the Future!

Hello friends!

How are you?  I wish I could bring you all alongside me and dance and sing with you- tools in hand- as we work on this little bus house together!  Since that isn't "really" a viable option at the moment though (only a few more people could realistically fit in here lol) I thought I would at least post some new pictures of our crazy family time yesterday...

Drill until you drop- our motto for this weekend- that is, Saphira actually dropped off to sleep while people were still drilling!  That's a pretty sure sign that even just a couple hours of working on the bus can make a whole body pretty weary.  Seriously though, after trying my hand at screwing wood into the metal floor, I was blown away at how difficult it was to do!  I am super impressed with my husband at his ability to use all his weight and strength to actually drill through the wood and metal to anchor our subflooring.  Laying a foundation is hard but it is also very rewarding!  

Our cherry wood floor is so close I can almost see it underneath my feet ;) With that said, however, we have a full schedule set out for us today!  Sometimes it's easy to let myself feel like we will never get this bus floor done, but at the same time, it's so important to remind myself that laying our foundation is basically the most important part to all the rest of our building (in life and in our bus- lol).  So, I am thankful that we are (especially my husband is) taking the time to really put our flooring in right- that is, to the very best of his knowledge and abilities!

Anyway, there you have it, a little picture story and a few words on our unexpected family work day yesterday.  We have a long way to go, but we are excited to be on this journey.  I keep reminding myself that life is a process, so whatever we do in word or in deed, do it all for the Glory of God :)

We pray for you and thank the Lord for your friendship and support!  Keep persevering forward with Jesus,

Your sister in Him,

Bekah

2015 Theme Words!

Hello friend!

I wanted to post a little something to share and hopefully get some feedback from you!  I recently read a blog that talked about coming up with a word to help inspire you for this New Year (or a "few" words) instead of doing the traditional resolution list.  Then, shortly after reading the blog, I heard that same idea, about choosing a theme word or phrase, discussed by some show hosts on my local radio!  Finally, after thinking and praying a bit, I was convinced that I needed to write down a few words of my own!  So here are the five Words that seem to be following me through January.

2015:

Bold, 

Adventurous, 

Thankful,

Mysterious, 

Grace!

Most of all Gods Grace though :) 

Jesus still trumps every thought in my heart and honestly all the words above really inspire me because they remind me of Gods Glory ...  Not to sound too sappy and in love, but it's true!  Anyway, I can peacefully settle with those words as a hearty and fitting theme for the year to come and I hope to use them as building blocks for new words next year.  ;)

How about you though?  What words or ideas are attracting you right now?  What do you keep coming back to?  And why? 

Stay focused on His Goodness and Glory!  Let me know what comes to mind :) Love in Him, Bekah

Pioneers through Rust and Dust

Can you relate?  

Do you feel like a Pioneer in any specific area of your life right now?  Have you ever stopped to observe the dust or rust around you?  :)

Well, that has been our latest experience in the Boss household- pioneering through rust and dust!  Grinding down the metal flooring, getting it smooth and then sweeping up over and over again was probably one of Jeremy's least favorite parts of our bus project, but He did it!  

Hoorah!  My husband conquered the demolition of our bus flooring and now we are starting in on the build and design process!  We are soooo excited :)

Our pioneering is starting to show signs of success and not just mess- haha.

For instance: 

Its just a garage floor epoxy paint from Home Depot and it's not even the final look, but wouldn't you agree that our bus has a totally new "first impression" now?

Also, speaking of new impressions, did I mention yet that our bus has found a temporary work home at the Sanchez Farm?  Talk about an amazing backdrop for our moving castle!  Shout out to Mike and Maegan for sharing their space, stuff, and super awesome ideas with us.  Uncle Mark has jumped on board and started helping out too!  Thank you guys for spending time on our future home :)

As of right now, we are still on target to move out of our current house and into our new one on wheels by June!  Please keep us in your prayers though and if you ever want to tag along or come help out feel free to contact me or my hubby.  We are thrilled about all that God has planned for 2015!  Happy New Year to you all and Keep Pioneering ;)

Bus Plans in His Hands...

Although I haven't been too faithful about writing lately my family and I have been slowly continuing our bond with the bus in our yard.  In fact we had our first Mexican food dinner inside our little castle over this last three day weekend!  Then yesterday evening we got all motivated and took out about 8 seats.  

One step at a time we are taking them out and now we only have a third of them left!  Also, did I mention that a local coffee shop (Symposium in Sherwood) will be taking our bus seats?  They won't be wasted.  I'm super excited to see what my friend Amanda will do with them.  

As you can see we have lots to do still, but the plans are coming together day by day.  Our latest crazy thought is to tear up the floor, lay down plastic, plywood, and a dark epoxy paint with glow in the dark glitter blown in as it's all laid down.  Research shows it's one of the best water proof floorings for an interior, so that's the party bus plan for now.  Anyway, we have an open house work day this Saturday morning and hope to get the last of the bus seats out!  I'm planning to update again soon with pictures of the cleared floor.  I can hardly wait!  Until then though, enjoy your week and keep praying for our plans to follow Gods hands- xoxo.

Pressure Praying...

Where do you turn when things aren't going right?  When the pressure is on?  What happens to your attitude when the unthinkable happens to you?  Who do you turn to?

These are questions I ask myself to check my heart and my soul.  I am not living for this world.  Nope.  "Love The Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength." That is the goal!  

To look in love on my Savior in my darkest of moments.  I need my eyes to be set apart from this world, attention full on The Lord.  Yes, in the sad times when I fail and realize it right away, God is merciful to convict me quickly...  I don't want sin to grow as a seed under the thick black of my insides...  Somehow I need my fragile, inconsistent emotions to be radiantly exposed to the Light all the time!  The only way I have found this to be possible is when my eyes are fixed on who God is- if I sound like a broken record about Jesus, it's because I am serious!!!

My life would not exist or have meaning without Him.  I thirst and hunger for His Words.  My heart yearns for His affection.

As intense as these passions feel- all these desires for Love are good!  But they must only be met within His faithful and forgiving arms.  

My Hope must be firmly set on God.  He is an anchor for my faith.  When the waves of life crash over me I can find peace in knowing that every storm has a purpose in His perfect plan- yes even when people (or when I) try to do selfish things to sink or blast this boat of mine down.  

"Count it all Joy when you encounter various trials." What a command to Live Abundantly!  It's hard to imagine "feeling" joy in the midst of heartache, and yet, in Jesus my heart is made NEW and every heartache that tries to stab at me in this life, only leaves a scar because Jesus keeps on healing and renewing.  There can be joy in the midst of pain because my God never forsakes those who Love Him.

Oh that we would love you- that I would love you- fully!  Everyday, in every triumph and every trial.  You are God and there is no other.  My heart is pressed against yours and I can't let go because You are holding onto me.  Thank you dear Jesus. I don't deserve this Love but it is real and overwhelming.  May your children rejoice in their circumstances and find You ever faithful with the peace you freely share that is supernatural and amazing.  In your grace I sit quietly before You, amen and amen...

Potty Talk

No really though, my life just entered the phase of toddler potty training today.  So I am literally going to talk potty talk in this blog post.  You have been warned!

Once you are a parent, hopefully, you will understand that this is a momentous occasion, the day your first baby is old enough to take care of his own business.  That is, my little guy at least knows when he needs to go now.  Lol.  I'm still going to have to help with the wiping business, but one day (one glorious day) he will be able to do it all on his own!  Even better, the day he cleans the bathroom for me.  Oh God is good to give us tired mamas beautiful, simple things like these to look forward to.  Haha.

Let me continue though, because truly I have been feeling very behind in my parenthood due to my little guys lack of interest in being a big boy and going in the potty.  Today however marks the first day of a new era.  Are we ready for messes, Yes; ready for random stops in our day, Yes; ready for rewards and excitement, of course. We are both as ready as we will ever be I think.  Who would've thought this crazy phase in the toddler years would cause such commotion?  So, here we go!

Every 30 minutes and we are off :)

Little Bus, Big Dreams

Yes, I am young, maybe a little crazy, and definitely easily excitable but still this bus dream is actually becoming a reality in my life tomorrow.  That is, Lord Willing, my hubby and I will be moving it into our backyard on Friday, and then the transformation process will begin!  So, I figured, it was about time to start blogging our journey.  One step at a time, prayer after prayer, we are moving forward in faith!

As I think about the beginnings of this dream, having a house bus, my thoughts rush back to stories and pictures of times before I was even born.  You see, when my mom was a young girl she would often help teach Bible stories out of a bus  that my grandpa had remade into a classroom.  Yep, you heard that right, my grandpa used to renovate long vehicles into lovely living spaces before my hubby and I had the crazy idea ourselves.  

This bus dream tracks back to the days my husband was in a rock band too.  When we first met, he was playing guitar everyday, writing songs and hoping to share his music in front of audiences someday.  He did eventually get to travel around in a car with a trailer full of band equipment, but it wasn't quite a luxury tour bus.  As we began dating at the end of highschool and thinking through a possible life together, it was so much fun to imagine a full time life on the road, sharing a passion for music, art, and beauty with everyone around us, but most of all, we agreed early on, that God would have to lead the way.

Fast forward about ten years and, here I am, blogging away at 6am in my cozy kitchen that smells like fresh peppers and cheesy eggs.  After the yummy breakfast, I said goodbye to my handsome hubby (*swoon* my highschool sweetheart), and then he grabbed his lunch box and left for work.  He and I are living the "American Dream"- owning an adorable little home together, a sweet ride in the driveway, and taking care of two gorgeous kiddos.  I can't really imagine wanting life to be any other way!  I am so blessed right now, as it is.  So, with all this goodness, why would I want to buy a bus?  

I do believe that any person would ask themselves the very same question: 

Why a bus?

To which I will reply:

Why not a bus?!

No, but really, I hope it won't be unsatisfying to anyone for me to just say that I think this is something my family and I are supposed to do!  The most important things in my life really aren't going to change- I will still be looking toward God to lead the way, my hubby will be a hottie and a hardworker, and our kids will be the sweet gifts that we enjoy and care for each day.  The difference will be in our proximity to each other, a bus will literally make us a lot more physically close as a family, and ultimately, my prayer is that we will be more intimately connected as a whole and to The Lord and His Will for our lives.  I also hope that God will use this little bus to inspire thankfulness for simple living, a sense of His great adventures, and a deep loving unity among my friends and all those I have yet to meet!

This bus dream still feels pretty surreal right now!  Tomorrow will drive the reality straight into my yard though, so the strange awakening will happen soon.  Stay tuned and join my family and me, we are probably going to need all the help we can get.  

Also, here is a blog I am beginning that is specifically for documenting our bus pregression: BossMovingCastle.wordpress.com

Blessings to you fellow traveller ;)

"I raise my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from?  My help comes from The Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth." - Psalm 121:1&2

Jane Eyre and Beautiful Language

Truly, eloquent words inspire the mind!  My dear little sister and I just finished watching Jane Eyre at this ridiculous hour of 3am.  What a hertwrenching and unimaginably hard story!  And yet, through each emotional high and low, between the scenes of her story, I am no stranger.

As a young woman myself, I am not separated from Jane's overwhelming feelings and haunting memories.  I would even openly deduce that we have all, as human beings, at one time or another, even in the very simplest of forms, felt every consuming reality of love that Jane felt.

Maybe there is still life to be lived in your own story in order to fully understand the love and righteousness that Jane's story transpires.  However, the whole thing is oddly relatable even though Jane's character is written from a very unique perspective of a person whose life is so different from our American lives today.  Her walk through loneliness, persecution, pride, rejection, humiliation, and suddenly friendship, kindness, hope then death.  And, oh how recently I have experienced the last few steps, yes, Jane, you feel like an old friend.

One who doesn't give up in the face of death, but rather stands up, learns, teaches and moves on, never forgetting the deep love that friendship and truth gave.  Hastening ahead to a new chapter of growth, this girl is faced with mystery and independence!  While she is also placed within a new realm of responsibility and relevance.  Suddenly with this new frame of mind, her ideas and dreams begin to crowd around her and to make her feel stuck in her surroundings.  Desires come heavily upon her to explore even more of the power found in the freedom that she has only begun to taste.

Liberation drives her on to exercise her body and suddenly a strange event occurs which alters her entire life forever.  She meets someone!  A person who needs her more than either of them could have ever imagined.  

From the first meeting of Mr. Rochester a long line of strange and yet lovely happenings begin.  Apologetic at first, Jane asks to be of service to this man she has only just met.  He replies roughly, annoyed at the circumstances he has fallen into (literally).  And yet, as he says out loud later, this young girl has bewitched him and he, in turn, seems to have bewitched her as well.  

Isn't that how love seems to feel when we first are interrupted by it?

Love changes everything!

In fact, just like the idea of magic, it is powerful and it feels so unexplainable.  It dominates our thoughts and opens up the very darkest parts of our souls.

May I remind you that Jane is just another symbol of the truth that God is Love.  He is also mightily in Control, even though things may seem all wrong at times, He has a good and gracious plan.  A design that is set aside especially for those who choose to trust Him wholeheartedly.

I hope that wasn't too crazy a jump or conclusion, but this story of Jane so vividly portrays the passions that follow in my own daily life, I can't help but reflect them back to the Romance of my Savior.

He loves us with such a fervent and wonderful love, stronger than even the echo of Jane and Edward.  And after just experiencing the up close and personal way that they ferociously cared for each other by watching them on film, it seems like I am saying a lot to compare them as a lesser love to my God.  Of course, Jesus really does love more passionately, but also more gently.  He loves Self sacrificially, in a way that Mr. Rochester only finally learned to do by the end of the story.

Oh how I pray I will learn to love beyond myself by the time my ending comes.  

Thank you dear Father for life. 

My greatest appreciation, Lord, is that I have been given the chance to Love...  Fully...  Inescapably...  Completely...  Through Your Love!

May I be filled with your strength each day, my dear Prince, to love as You have loved me...

Amen.

Travel and Heaven

"There and back again..." -in the words of my dear hobbit friend, Bilbo Baggins, this little life of mine feels very much like that phrase right now.  We have been traveling for a week and half.  Our trip has been very eventful and exciting, full of fun family experiences...  And now we are travelling back home again!

My memory is racing just trying to keep every precious moment in tact.  Wedding thoughts from last weekend: my beautiful Bride friend, Rachel, who tried not to cry while saying her vows to her Groom, Jimmy's beaming face as he walked his new wife down the aisle, and Eric's weathered Bible that he challenged the wedding party with...  And then there was my brother Aaron as he walked into our old church with us last Sunday, giddy and brave, ready to see old faces again, praying on my knees in the nursing room, thankful for the blessing and responsibility of family, plus all the funny words of an awkward sermon that still encouraged the hearts of the congregation because the words were real and Gods Word always seeps out wisdom.  Hooray for the faithful!  Hallelujah for new beginnings and for second chances (and third, fourth, fifth, etc...).  Home is ahead, even if we aren't there yet...  

I could spend my whole life trying to remember all the things I want to keep close to my heart.  Some wonderful moments I could repeat over and over.  Isn't that what eternity is for, to soak up the awe inspiring glory of God (including the spots in this life that we may have missed Him)? He is redeeming the time and paving the way ahead.  Oh how God is so good!

This halfway place, in the car, can feel so long sometimes.  Similar to the way I feel when I think about eternity.  Moving inbetween.  And yet, I am fully alive right now, all here, driving along...  Watching the cars drive by, passing scenery, buildings, places, dreams, songs, food, people...  I have no deprivation of the senses or the fullness of living. No, I'm not quite there yet, but Jesus is here AND there.  "His Kingdom come..."  I am driven to seek out time with my Savior, to pursue Him in what's ahead, and to soak up the reality of heaven with Him forever.  And He is here!

"You live in a million places...  And because of You I come alive...  Your voice within me singing out: for Love of You.  It's all for You...

This road leads to Glory!"  

-Audrey Assad 

Jesus...

here we are...

And here we come!