A New Way of Seeing Things...

First of all, I hereby testify that having a second child is beautiful, miraculous.... and very humbling...  If I ever came across to any of you as having it all together- forgive me now- because I don't!  I am a broken individual in need of a perfect Savior every single day (Yay Jesus!).  Oh the beautiful honesty of it all- I smile because it's such a relief to remember that God didn't call me to have it all together!  God has called me to follow Him and not let anything else get in the way of doing so wholeheartedly.  Every moment is a moment of grace and I need Jesus as much as ever. 

Here is an example story: while things have all been going amazingly smooth with all the recent changes in my house hold, yesterday I started coming down with a nursing infection :/ from the outside it may have looked like I was falling apart... but honestly, it was really quite relieving to just sob a little as I made Nico and I some oatmeal...  I just cried helplessly and peacefully while Nico was singing to himself at the table (precious boy!).  You see, ever since I've had Saphira I really haven't been able to cry at all- which was lovely for awhile- but then, the tears just needed to come yesterday and that was refreshing too!  Sometimes it's just healing in itself to be broken before God and admit that I need Him- completely!  God has to get my attention and remind me that I am not to be living in my own physical or emotional strength...  but in His strength that outlasts our frail bodies and ever changing emotions...  

Also, God is getting me re-acquainted with the realization that I am actually supposed to say "I don't know" sometimes...  because I don't have all the answers... Only He does!  This reformation has been taking hold in many areas of my life- marriage, parenting, family relationships, prayer and bible times, worship, ministry, evangelistic ideals, and my own personal fears of the unknown...  Does anyone else feel me here- do you have fears of the unknown?  

Jesus has truly been reshaping my heart to practice trusting Him more fully when I am faced with the unknown!  Truly, whenever I do trust Him openly and unashamedly through the unknown, He is faithful and never leaves me alone.  God is good- all the time!  Do you believe that?  I pray you will taste and see His goodness too :)

So, to finish the story of my break down and sickness yesterday- I am excited to say that I am miraculously better today!  Also, by Gods amazing workings, my hubby came home early at 1pm (I didn't even tell him I was sick) it "just worked out that way" and he let me take a lovely nap.  Then as a family we were able to spend a restful afternoon together, tinkering on little projects and cuddling as we talked on the couch. 

I don't know why God allows things to happen the way that they do, but I am so very grateful He stays with us every step of the way!  Oh that I would truly seek Him and remember my need for Him all the time.  May you and your family see His blessings as you trust Him through the unknown...  even when things look bleak...  May His light shine brightly in your heart and all around you!

"... Try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 

...Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 

making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

(Ephesians 5:10, 15-17 ESV)

By the way, here is a "Bekah version" about what I understand to be the history on the word Halloween; for those of you who are curious.  I just discovered that it means Hallowed Evening because it's the evening before all saints day.  As you may know, in different cultures (for example the Jewish culture) a special day is actually celebrated from sundown to sundown (a full 24 hour period) rather then our western ways of celebrating a special day from sun up until sun down, the evening is when the special day is first recognized.  All saints day, as a Catholic holiday, is a day to remember those who have died in The Lord.  And therefore, as I like to remember also, will be risen to life with Jesus when He comes again.  

The name All Hallowed Evening was shortened to Hallows Even over the years, then Hallowe'en...  And finally Halloween as we know it today!  

Anyway, I just thought that all of this was fascinating, so I wanted to share.  It also made me really want to start saying Happy Halloween- because it's basically like saying happy holy evening (similar to happy holiday- which means happy holy day).  Everyday is truly holy when we remember and celebrate Jesus- His life, His death, and His resurrection!  It's so awesome that we have special days every year to mark all three of these events: Christmas for Jesus' birth into life, Halloween to remember His death and all those who have died in His name, and Easter to celebrate Jesus' amazing return to life and then heaven, where He is now preparing a place for those who trust in Him!  May you trust Jesus and celebrate Him too, today and always :) Happy Halloween!!!

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19 NLT)

Saphira Nadine's Birth Story

After three weeks of hibernating away, I thought I would finally post again.  God is good!  My baby girl is here :) also, my family and I are all changed for the better since her arrival.

This story is the best I can do for now of a short summary on Saphira's birth- it was such a crazy whirlwind adventure!  I may add more details later, but these are the initial thoughts I've been able to jot down.  Praising God today and always for His blessings:

😋

When my third contraction hit at 12:50am, I had an inkling that labor was actually starting, but it wasn't until almost an hour later when I realized things were getting more intense faster then they had with my first labor.  Even two hours into my three hour labor though, I don't think either Jer or I thought that meant our baby was going to come quite as fast as she did!  So we were pacing ourselves for a longer haul- maybe like 10 hours or so.  Boy were we headed into a surprise!

As we laid big brother Nico down in the bedroom with my sister, his auntie Bethie, he started crying and getting upset so I tried to lay down next to him and comfort him.  My contractions were so hard though, I was breathing like a crazy person trying to focus and relax through them.  Beth told me later that she sure was hoping my contractions weren't easy ones at that point because they looked really hard and my face squinted with pressure in the shadows across from her.

I tried to sneak out of the room but Nico didn't stay asleep!  As much as I wanted to lay down and comfort my first little boy, my body was telling me I needed to get out and get focused again.  So I left Nico with Bethie and Jer in the other room, letting them care for him.  

Meanwhile my mom had been trying to call the midwives but my phone was being weird and it wasn't letting her get through to their pager.  I could hear my mom talking and trying to figure out my phone as I felt the urgent need to spread out my birth blanket across the bed.  I started feeling like I was going to make a mess everywhere so it was a relief to have a place to spread out on.

While facing a few contractions in my room on my own, I could feel my body writhing as I started to actually get a rush of panic (I'm thinking this was while I was going through transition) and I quite literally cried out to God!  As I did so, I was reminded that I wasn't alone and I heard myself repeat over and over "God is with us."  As I pictured speaking to Saphira, I felt a beautiful peace cover us as the contraction ended.  Truly God was with us and that was exactly what I needed to remember!

Mom came to check on me and I said I was good but that the contractions were hard.  Jeremy came in and out trying to get the birthing tub in the room.  My contractions felt closer together- short, but strong.

Pretty sure it was the next contraction, after everyone had walked out again, that I tried pushing and it actually felt good!  Jeremy was getting the plastic for the floor but my mom walked through the room to check on me again and I told her with shock and excitement: "I think I just tried pushing."  As I look back now, I can see a flash of panic in her eyes, but she responded calmly with an: "okay Bekah, just do what your body is telling you to do." 

My mom was quickly rushing about.  Jer came in and started laying out some plastic on the floor for the birthing tub.  I just looked at him in between contractions and said "She is coming!  There's not enough time!"  

The midwives called back right around this time and we updated them on where I was in labor, they quickly told Jeremy they were on their way but that he should probably call 911 just to have some medical expertise on hand.  Overhearing all this, I started muttering about how I wanted a water birth and I didn't want to go to the hospital!  My mom walked through again and I moaned "I think I'm going to die.  Pretty sure I felt that way only because I refused to try pushing on that next contraction.  She firmly reminded me that I was not going to die but that I should go along with my body, after all it had done this before!  With her positive reminder I pushed again on the next contraction and my water broke.  

Everything rushed quickly after my water broke!  On the next two contractions her head crowned and then she was out- it felt like she flew- and my mom attested to the fact that she practically did fly out because her two hands pushed forward from either side of her head as she came into the world.  My mom caught Saphira with her bare hands at about 3:10am and exclaimed later on that her head felt just like velvet.  All I could do was laugh with shock and joy that my baby girl was actually here!

...

More excitement happened after this, but I will spare you any more details for now.  We are happy to have Saphira here- healthy and thriving!  Hallelujah :) Ten pounds and already wearing 3 month old clothes- that's my baby girl.

Happy 3 weeks little lady!!

"Overdue" musings...

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts You." - Isaiah 26:3

Isn't that a perfect verse to find in my devotional this morning?

God is full of surprises!  I really hadn't even thought twice about seeing this date- September 19th, 2013- without my little girl in my arms... but now I can say I am experiencing a new adventure.  Today I am officially "overdue," that is, i am still pregnant past my original due date.  Now I am just an extra ripe berry- Saphira will be super sweet!  Haha.  Or as my sister's friend said: "God is just adding some extra special touches."  Lol.

Such a strange thing to be "late" with my second baby though, after having been early (even if it was only two days) with my first.  Also, usually boys are late...  but I am having a girl!  What's up with this?  My mom was three weeks early with her second girl and I have her genes, so, truly, this is unexpected.  However, after 24 years of life I have at least learned one thing: the seemingly unplanned is not out of God's plan!

yes, that ironic reminder of my lack of control to make labor start on my own.  I mean, yes, there are suggestions on things you can do naturally- and they have been done- but unless I want medication or something obtrusive, then there really isn't much else I can do on my own now but wait!  And if I have to wait, I would much prefer to do so patiently.  It's funny though, I have had to remind myself that a due date is not a deadline...  obviously!  This isn't a college paper- we are talking about pregnancy here... Labor... and birthing a baby.  Lol.  It's funny how I have had to remind myself and be reminded that its okay to be late though, because when you have had a certain date stuck in your brain for awhile, it's hard to just forget it!

Oh and another unexpected and funny thing: any little change in body is suddenly a sign of "pre-labor."  Runny nose- yep, must be ready for the baby...  Lol.  Tight belly when baby moves- must be a contraction!  And, every moment is a possibility of bursting...  I'm a walking time bomb or as people like to remind me: "ready to pop!"  Yes, everyone has to wait for this baby, right alongside with me, it's just a funny place to be in as the actual body with the waiting piece inside of you.  As Nico likes to say with me: "Come, Fiera, come." Lol.

So, jumping ahead here, maybe Jeremy and I will steal away and get a date night in tonight.  Dates are wonderful, lovely, fabulous things!  It's not like there aren't still plenty of things to do without a newborn around- even though...  I really would like to hold her, see her, and kiss her sweet little face.  Also, there are still thank you cards to write out for all my kind an thoughtful friends who came to her baby shower...  and I had an idea to make a baby blanket out of some old gender neutral baby clothes of Nico's.  Not to mention, Nico and I could still use some "mommy and me" play dates before little sister comes.  

Anyway, all that to say, I am sure that God will provide exactly what it is that we need to do before Saphira is here.  Just as He will give wisdom and strength when she comes.  He is faithful and can see the full picture of what is ahead, so, may "His peace" be what my mind "stays on" always!

And really, waiting on Him is exactly where I should always be in life...  Whether pregnant or not!

"... Hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore." - Psalm 131:3

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. 

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." 

(Romans 8:25-28 ESV)

Amen!

Listening and Obeying... In the Days of My Flesh...

"In the days of His flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, 

with loud cries and tears, 

to Him who was able to save Him from death, 

and He was heard because of His reverence. 

Although He was a son, 

He learned obedience through what He suffered. 

And being made perfect, 

He became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey Him..." 

(Hebrews 5:7-9 ESV)

Am I "listening" to The Lord?  Am I obeying by "hearing" His Words and carrying out their commands?  Obedience is not described easily in these passages but it is defined as essential!

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 

And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 

Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." 

(Philippians 2:5-11 ESV)

Am I living obediently to His humility?  Do I have the "mind of Christ"?  These verses say to "have the mind of Jesus" and that through Jesus it is possible to have His mind!  

So what is within that precious head of His?  Equality with God was not what He reached for, or even imagined ever taking hold of...  Jesus poured Himself out under the strength of Gods authority!  

Am I ready to pour myself out under the strength of God?  Jesus did!  I only pray that I may do so too...

Yes, Jesus became a servant by becoming a man in the flesh.  As human beings, wrapped up in our skin, we are simply meant to serve our Creator.

Aw that beautiful thought- being at peace to be nothing before anyone else, but a servant of God...  Nothing but His!  Are you at peace with this thought?

If everything else was taken from you, could you find solace in the fact that you are under Gods authority and His mighty hand?  I ask myself this same question... Unable to really imagine what it would look like in my life to give all that Jesus gave- freely and so completely- pouring out His life in obedience to God our Father.  

Stuck within my own flesh, it is hard to believe anything good can come from suffering.  Yet Jesus suffered... and He was only good!  When we are in the middle of discomfort and pain, it can often be all-consuming; it is so easy to only focus on what we feel.  Jesus however, even though he openly felt (he wept and cried), did not allow His emotions to consume Him fully- but rather His obedience to God mastered His emotions!  He trusted past His own personal pain and moved forward with the reality that God is God and there is no one else worthy of following.

Oh that my heart and mind will be the same as that of Christ Jesus!  I can think of no better way to prepare for birth and labor...  for life and love...  then to meditate on Gods Word.  Of course, I can do this after my little girl is born, but I am thankful for a few more moments to soak in His truth before she arrives ;) to know that through Jesus and what He has already lived out- I can have His mindset too...  Death is conquered!  There is glory in His precious name...

Thank you Jesus!

"Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to the Lord. 

This is the gate of the Lord; the righteous shall enter through it. I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation. 

The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone. 

This is the Lord ’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. 

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Save us, we pray, 

O Lord ! O Lord, we pray, give us success! 

You are my God, and I will give thanks to you; you are my God; I will extol you. 

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for 

His steadfast love endures forever!"

(Psalm 118:19-25, 28, 29 ESV)

Oh love! Beautiful love...

Yes, the Bible has my favorite definitions on love...  Of course, people of every kind have expressed beautiful descriptions of love as well!  Love is everywhere when it is looked for... these following passages are just a few provisions of the beautiful picture that backgrounds all other love in this world:

Love is Passionate

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.  Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. (NIV)

Love Requires All of You

Matthew 22:37–39 

Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' (NKJV)

Love Lays Down

John 15:13 

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)

Love Gives Value to Everything Else

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (NIV)

Love is Unfailing

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails ... (NIV)

Love Forgives Deeply

1 Peter 4:8 

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (NIV)

Love is Jesus

1 John 3:16 

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (NIV)

Love Acts in Truth

1 John 3:18 

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (NIV)

Love is God

1 John 4:8 

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV)

Aw yes!  God is love :) one of my favorite Truths in all of Scripture...  why?  Well, because, love can be defined even more clearly when we know this truth- there are suddenly checks and balances to compare real love with... the mess of a definition that this world has put love into doesn't have to stay...  Our contrast to the lies of love in this world are in the truth of who God is!

Praise The Lord!  As undefinable as love often seems to be...  Jesus has come...  and therefore, love has been lived out on earth!  Yes, Love itself has Lived on Earth :) and He is still alive and well today!!!

Such a beautiful reality!  Love is Real :) just in case anyone was in doubt...

Love is God and we are nothing without Him!  Just as we are nothing without love!  In the Bible it is clear that knowing God and living out love go hand in hand!

How lovely it is to think on Love!

In Light of Pregnancy and Labor- Living Thankfully...

38 weeks pregnant this week and I am ready to see this baby...  That is, I have been saying that over and over again these last few days, but I think I may be underestimating the amount of change and hard work that this new little one is really going to bring.  My fairly uncomfortable pregnant body (candidly speaking: 35lbs heavier, heartburn and gas-filled, only able to side-sleep, baby kicks in the ribs, baby bladder squishes, which lead to pee-ing every hour or more, insomnia... Etc...) has led me to somehow believe that things will be more comfortable after birth.  Lol.  However, I would like to be realistic about the things that lie ahead as well, understanding the truth may be that more discomfort will occur after birth- such as heavy bleeding, a true lack of sleep, and breast feeding.  Obviously, this wont last forever either...  Just as pregnancy won't last for always!  Even that thought is bittersweet though, because pregnancy is just as much of a gift as being able to finally see and cuddle my baby...  It's just easier to forget the gift of pregnancy right at the end...  I mean, it's September and I have been pregnant ALL year long... :p But I don't want to forget, I really do want to remember that I am living a miracle.

Oh pregnancy!  You funny thing you...  The ability to grow a human life within your own body- to feel your baby move...  even such details as fingers and toes, twisting and grasping inside of you... the future of this world all wrapped up in a bundle of amazingly small detail right under your chin, constantly with you for nearly 10 months...  such a strange phenomenon and yet this miracle happens around the world daily!  What an active Creator we have :) see, I haven't forgotten completely that there are things to be thankful for!  In fact, writing this blog post, as I am awake quite early in the morning light, is really purposed to remind my heart and mind that there are reasons to be thankful!  Many, many reasons...

While my household sleeps I am reminded that God never does!  As the light dawns around me, there is a reminder within it that my Savior is ever working.  He has not forgotten that I am pregnant...  Lol.  He has perfect timing in His hands, and by His side I am free to wait thankfully and hopefully.  I am called to actively praise and glorify my God as I move and live and dream each moment.  

My hubby and I have been in full force- rearranging furniture and bed things...  Building and making important items we may need, acting as if we will never leave our little home again...  getting ready for baby.  Yes, full nesting has occurred at this Boss house and I do believe we have been enjoying it.  Even Nico has been saying everyday as he moves toys from one room to the next or helps put them away, doing dishes with me or wiping random spots that I haven't cleaned in too long: "working" and then shortly after he will look up at me smiling and say: "working hard."  I sure hope I will think of him and those sweet words while I am in labor!  Truly, even in labor God calls us to have the heart of a child...  May I look up to Him always with a smile on my face, thankfully pleased to be "working hard."  Yes, I am blessed to be included in the unending work that my gracious God is always doing!

A sweet friend came over to me and gave me this most wonderful back rub the other day.  It was lovely and so unexpected!  The whole thing has had such a beautiful affect on me that I haven't been able to forget the kind gesture since.  Also, something she said was quite funny too!  She asked me if I would promise her to get a pre-natal massage done at least once each pregnancy for the next 6 kids.  Haha.  Oh the thought!  Immediately I want to say- yah right...  8 kids?!  But then, in the back of my mind I can't help feeling like God may call me to something as crazy as that some day.  Lol.  Who needs sleep anyway?  However, two children will be crazy enough for this next year- so I will gladly loose some sleep over just two for a little while.

Speaking of sleep, maybe I should try to lay down and at least rest by my sweet boys a little bit longer. My heart feels so much more at peace right now, thinking over my blessings and meditating on God's   goodness and sovereignty again.  Truly, if The Lord is my portion, what more do I need?

Thank you Jesus!

"Out of the mouth of babies and infants, God has made perfect praise." - Matthew 21:16

My safe place...

Jesus!

Yes, Jesus is my safe place...  The One I need when I truly want rest!  He is my refuge when everything around me threatens to overwhelm or bear down upon me.  My soul finds peace in Him alone!

While my body may be weary and weak... He sustains my inner being!  As Savior, Jesus holds my heart.  This world only promises to lead to death, but in Christ I have Life and Hope!

I just think of my little boy and the comforting safety that he feels within my arms- it is so lovely to scoop him up and cuddle him close while I carry him.  And when he is tired, how a stroller and a car seat tightly wrapped around his chest can bring him such security to the point of rest.  These pictures are how my soul feels within my sweet Redeemer's hold.

"Hold me up, that I may be safe and have regard for your statutes continually!"(Psalm 119:117 ESV)

His Words are my joy!  Not only does He pick me up and keep me close, but He whispers Truth to me.  How good our God can be- truly His kindness reaches to the heavens and stretches past the oceans.  May my heart ever remember!

"I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.” (Psalm 16:2 ESV)